Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, if left untreated, the persistent and pervasive effects of ADHD symptoms can insidiously and severely interfere with one’s ability to get the most of education, fulfill one’s potential in the workplace, ESTABLISH AND MAINTAIN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, and maintain a generally positive sense of self?
Fuck everything else I want to focus on the establish and maintain interpersonal relationships part of the definition. Damn ADHD is some serious shit, thanks Wale. Why is it that so many adults suffer from attention deficit when it comes to relationships? Is it because we are always looking for the next BIG thing? Is it because we are scared to tell the person we like or dating how we really feel about them so we take our mind off of it by occupying time with another who we could really give a damn about? (probably just a sex thing anyway) Scared to express emotions and appear to be vulnerable? Scared to be taken advantage of? I could go on and on, but at the end of the day, we have all been there before (or are currently there) so it is what it is. Meet me, Que. I want to be loved, I want to feel love, and I want to be in a monogamous situation. But the G in me wants to remain hardcore with the tough exterior. My attention deficit kicks in when I think I may be getting close to someone and I suddenly feel the need to pull back and safeguard my heart. Hey isn’t the single life all about fun anyway! Some may say that this type of behavior is the reason why I am single right now. Is it because I’ve seen so many failed relationships and vow to myself that I will never be taken advantaged of, walked over, or put up with anybody’s bullshit that it has hardened my heart? Is it because I’m waiting for the person to say I LOVE YOU first before I say it? Is it because karma is a bitch and I have not always been the best to people I’ve been involved with and hurt them without realizing it? I’m not perfect, although sometimes I think I am (big ass smile) but I do long to be with one person. But how do I go about doing it? 11/16/09 is the start of a new journey, a journey where YOU the readers will help me navigate this phenomenon we call dating and relationships. Also in the blog I will get in heated discussions with my fellow blogger, you will probably come to know him as the sensitive blogger (fuck emotions). Maybe some folks will offer breakthrough advice, maybe others will agree with me, while others may feel that I am full of shit. Maybe I will begin to finally break down the walls that are preventing me from opening myself up to a person and experiencing true love. Damn did I just say that shit.
Que
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Hey Que!
ReplyDeleteIs it ADHD or being scared of commitment?!?! I think that all I am reading is a bunch of excuses as to why an adult who wants to be in a serious relationship is not in one...
You are right, Karma is THAT but maybe you have already received the payback that you are scared to get...
I think that you should open up and prepare yourself to experience true love (say it loud...CLAIM IT-LOL)!!!
~Silver~
Que, here's my take on a few of your comments...
ReplyDeleteQue: Why is it that so many adults suffer from attention deficit when it comes to relationships? Is it because we are always looking for the next BIG thing? Is it because we are scared to tell the person we like or dating how we really feel about them so we take our mind off of it by occupying time with another who we could really give a damn about? (probably just a sex thing anyway) Scared to express emotions and appear to be vulnerable? Scared to be taken advantage of?
Me:I think everyone is afraid to be heartbroken and taken advantage of. At some point in our lives we are all taken advantage of anyway, but we make it such a big issue when it comes to our feelings and love. We will probably all be heartbroken, but most of us get over it if we give ourselves time to do so.
Que: My attention deficit kicks in when I think I may be getting close to someone and I suddenly feel the need to pull back and safeguard my heart.
Me:Somebody told me that we can’t control our feelings, but we can control our reactions to our feelings. It took me a while, but I really started to grasp and understand that. If you are constantly safeguarding your heart, you will miss out on some good, happy times. If feels so damn good to love and be loved. Part of being in a successful relationship is getting to know a person and communicating. Both parties need to know what the other’s definition of love is, what behavior they consider acceptable and non-acceptable. People see each other, like what they see, go out a few time, have conversation about bullshit, screw, and then 6 months later they don’t know nothing about that person internally. They know external shit, how the sex is, what they drive ,where they stay (maybe), phone number, how they look in certain clothes, what they like to eat, how they smell, maybe how many brothers/sisters, and where they said they went to school, where they work, how many children they have (that they are claiming). They don’t know what else that person enjoys, if they are patient, if they are a criminal, how their past relationships were, their strengths, their weaknesses, etc..
Que: Is it because I’ve seen so many failed relationships and vow to myself that I will never be taken advantaged of, walked over, or put up with anybody’s bullshit that it has hardened my heart? Is it because I’m waiting for the person to say I LOVE YOU first before I say it? Is it because karma is a bitch and I have not always been the best to people I’ve been involved with and hurt them without realizing it?
Me: I also think as young people we aren’t motivated to pursue long-term relationships because we don’t have many models and the few models we do have don’t always share the dynamics of that relationship and what makes it worthwhile. We are also looking at celebrity relationships and feeling beauty will make a relationship successful, like damn if Halle can’t keep a husband, then why try? We don’t think about the fact that Halle got issues and flaws like everyone else. We don’t think about how we work to be successful in our careers, the same thing applies to relationships. Granted we are humans and we mess up! Keri already told us love will knock us down, but it don’t keep us down.
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ReplyDeleteHey Silver:
ReplyDeleteWhat up homie! This opening up is some serious business man. I mean, I feel like I'm a quality dude that deserves to be with someone that is matching what I am bringing to the table. So with that said, tell me when you think opening up should happen? I don't think I should open up to everybody because people will use that shit against you at the end of the day. I wanna open up to someone who is worthy of my time and usually that takes a cool minute to figure out. Alot of people appear trustworthy but sometimes that shit is a front because they are just giving you the lines they think you wanna hear. Scream at me Silver whats really good?
Virgo, Virgo, Virgo:
ReplyDeleteThanx for the comments definitely appreciate you, luv the feedback you definitely got me over here with the thinking cap on for real. IT IS A BIG ISSUE WHEN IM TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF you are not getting away with that from the KID no way no how. I guess I feel that way because I pride myself on treating people cool and never taking advantage of anyone. So it scares me at the thought of being taken advantage of because that would completely turn me off from the person that is one characteristic that I DO NOT LIKE. I WANNA BE LOVED VIRGO, while I think a lot of people fall in luv with surface bullshit I like to see how people react in certain situations. You know simple shit like interacting with a waiter who messed up your order, talking with someone who may not be as educated as you, how you treat people that you meet in everyday life. Thats the shit that gives me a glimpse into how a person really is because if they are an asshole in the situations I mentioned above they probably will treat me the same way at some point in our dealings with each other so I then put on the breaks and as the Clipse say I'M GOOD. I've seen too many failed relationships, the good relationships I've seen I can count on one hand because people are full of shit and come with that lame excuse IVE GOTTEN BORED? Help me understand Virgo
OK so...opening up should definately not happen after just five minute with someone but it should definately not happen after 5 months. There has to be a point in time where you have to let your guard down and allow yourself to become vulnerable!!! It's ok!!!
ReplyDeleteOpening up can cost you but lets say that soneone youre just kickin it with opens up with you...do you back up and make a u-turn or do you continue down the one way?!?!
Question...at what point does a person become trustworthy?
Ok Silver I will keep it real with you....for me its a series of events that happen that allows me to begin to trust someone that could take 6 months or a could take a year I've never put a time on it...and the funny thing is I am in this situation now....a person that I am seeing has opened up alot more to me than I have to them and sometimes I feel bad about that but im wondering what is causing me to be so hesitant and this person has proven themself to be trustworthy but ive had someone appear to be that way before and did some foul things how do I move from that?
ReplyDeleteWhoever this Que is, you're on the right path since you said "My attention deficit kicks in when I think I may be getting close to someone and I suddenly feel the need to pull back and safeguard my heart." i didn't read the rest...
ReplyDeleteThas right, dude...Lock dat love down!!! Keep it at bay...Many a great man have been broken because of the L word. Love is overrated...Real Talk